Show Me The Truth

I'm going to break a cardinal rule of my blogging and finish a conversation in writing that I had earlier started in person. This is, I admit, not at all fair to the person I was conversing with but at this point I only care about saying it in one way or another because it's screaming at me from the inside to get out. And frankly, the person I was talking with about it probably doesn't even want to hear it so he can choose to read or not to read rather than me forcing the conversation on him.
"You can't handle the truth." This statement was made in a general sense, not about anything in particular. I strongly disagreed in the fact that I always want to know the truth. I was challenged and I disagreed again but mainly couldn't go on in the conversation for various reasons. So here is my side of the conversation.
I want to know the truth. All the time. There is nothing that I don't want to know. The disagreement is that there are some things that everyone doesn't want to know. That is not the case with me. Let me first clarify that I am not talking about the trivial things in life, such as okay I don't want to know if a dog got run over by a car. That is petty and of use to no one. I am sad about the dog but there is nothing constructive that can come out of it if I didn't know the dog. I'm talking about the stuff that matters. And I want to know all of it. The reason that I want to know all of it is because we are all expected to function based on reality and that is an unrealistic expectation if I am not presented with reality to begin with. There are any number of horrific things that people could tell me, but don't, based on the assumption, "She doesn't want to know that," or, "She's better off not knowing." That is false. All of the time. But I'm not even talking about horrific things here either. I'm talking about the most practical application of this principle and that is in the every day person to person relations that go on in our lives.
So, one of the reasons people don't tell us the truth is that they think you are better off not knowing and they choose not to tell you in order to spare your feelings.
There is absolutely nothing anyone I care about could say that I haven't already thought about and prepared for at least 50 times in my own head. And it tortures me to no end in my mind and in my heart not knowing which one of those scenarios is reality and therefore not knowing how to respond. And so NOT having the truth makes it impossible for me to deal with emotions such as heartbreak as I will deal with it only partially then turn my mind to another scenario, only to have to come back to what could be reality over and over and over again until I've lost all sense of what's really going on all because no one would clue me in on what reality was even though I begged for the answers. It also makes it impossible for me to really enjoy something because I never know if it's real or not and because I don't want to have to deal with the disappointment of finding out if it's not real, I try not to enjoy it too much to begin with.

Please just spare me of all this and tell me the truth. I have asked for the truth from almost all the people in my life that are close to me. I so desperately want to make people happy but it is impossible for me to do this without knowing what's really going on. I am the worst mind-reader of all time. And I so desperately want to deal with things in my life but I just can't when I am forced to try and figure things out on my own.
The truth may be difficult to handle, but at least if I knew it, I'd only have to handle it once.

Obviously I've exposed some of my scarier personal issues here but at least it explains why this is such a hot topic with me. I will go to great lengths in order to gather all the information in an effort to find truth- about most things.

I could go on but I think my laundry's done which means it's time for bed.