Sour

Well it's not often that I write something at night and then write again about the same thing in the morning. Usually when I write on something and then sleep on it I feel better but this morning I feel worse. I don't know how to admit that I tend to fall into despondency over things without being "one of those people" that's always sad and down. The truth is I'm not always sad and down but I would be if it weren't for God. My heart woke up depressed this morning. Partially worried, but mostly just down. I hate waking up like that. I have people very close to me that accuse me of not knowing what they go through because I'm not the same as them. I guess they don't remember when I was. I was reading something by John Piper this morning that said the key in fighting despondency is the fight. Just fight it. It's all over the Psalms. One of my favorite Psalms has always been Psalm 13. David writes in such depression. He says, "how long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" But at the end he says my favorite part, "But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." David fought it. I mean seriously, David was a man after God's own heart, right? And he fought with despondency all the time. I hate to admit that I fight it all the time because it makes me feel that I appear weak and I just hate that. David was anything but weak. But he also put his hope in God. So that is it. With God I will fight it and I will not yield. God is the strength of my heart.


I am continually with You. You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel. And afterward, You will receive me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:23-26