Pride-O-Meter

I discovered today that there are whole levels of awareness of my pride that I didn't know I had. I learned way back like 8 years ago that I can't base my self-worth in anything but who God says I am. It's funny how you can know stuff in your head but it doesn't really translate into your behavior and attitudes.
I'm terrified of failure. Actual failure- real failure. The kind when you thought you were good at something, you proceeded to do it, and you didn't do it perfectly, didn't do it better than average, did even do it up to snuff, and as a matter of fact, you did poorly. It's the kind of failure when you tried your best at something you thought you could handle and you find out that the reason why you sucked at it was that you're just not good enough. And to make it doubly worse, you sorely disappointed people in the process and since they didn't know you when you were able to do it, they think you are the worst thing you could be... just like everyone else.
This is pride on top of pride on top of pride. The reason why I feel so sucky right now is because I fell back into the trap of believing that my abilities in life are what makes me who I am. The tasks that I accomplish, and the fact that I accomplish them well beyond people's expectations of me, are what makes me special, unique and memorable. And now that those skills have let me down, I feel empty and worthless because I'm no longer special or unique and the only memory these people will have of me is one of a let down.
I think I am more humbled than I have been in many, many years. I can only thank God for opening my eyes to what is really going on so quickly because this feeling of worthlessness is heartbreaking. The truth is that I am nothing without Him. Even the things about myself that I so thoughtlessly consider intrinsic are only a part of my nature because that is who He determined that I would be. My strengths are not even mine. Even my ability to think is of no merit to me because He is the one who gave me the ability to do it.
Sometimes I feel like I get more trials in life because I am thick in the head. I guess the ability to articulate a biblical principle does not constitute a mastery of it and since God would have me learn it, He's gotta do it the hard way. I didn't even come up with any of this on my own, it was God who reminded me. And I know it's right in my heart. Just the way you know sometimes, deep down, that something is right.
If someone is actually reading this and you want to pray for me, pray that my pride will disappear. I want to be a humble person. I sometimes say that such and such is "one of my worst weaknesses." Well, I won't even use the "one of" phrase here, pride is hands down my worst weakness.

And God once again directs my attention to the wall where I wrote down His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.

He will complete what He appoints for me, and many such things are in His mind.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Bless the Lord oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name.