The Nuisance of Fighting a Battle With Yourself

There are some women who are emotional and they let their hearts drive their actions. There are a few women out there who are rational and logic driven and they only act based upon logic. Then there are the rest of us who are constantly fighting a battle between the two. Our hearts tell us things that are consistently untrue but feel so good. And our heads tell us things that are probably realistic but feel just all out crappy. As one who is constantly evaluating her thoughts and actions for an imbalance in either area, I must say it is a battle that makes me weary. About the time that wedding season rolls around (now) and those close to you are leaving their singleness in pursuit of a different life, my heart starts to wonder if they will be happier than I will be. Then my head speaks up and says whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Don't be an idiot. 1. Life is not about me being happy, 2. marriage is not the giver of contentment, and 3. you know very well what the Bible has to say about that, so just suck it up and keep going.
Somehow, neither of these mindsets seem right.
And so, I'm giving up. Out of character? Yes.
But why should I fight this battle? We are promised peace (upon condition).
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee." Isaiah 26:3.
So rather than waste my emotional energy fighting a battle I can't win, I will turn my eyes upon Jesus (after the zillionth time of losing sight), and stay my mind on the Lover Of My Soul. He is the one who already is what I ignorantly wish I had. I pray that He will continue to open my eyes.
Now that my mind is stayed on Him I can go back to anticipating what wonderful things He has for me in my future.
I am a compulsive planner and I always said I wanted to marry a man that I could trust to plan the next step for me. One that has the ability to make me relax about schedules and plans. One with whom I could say, "Lead me to the next place in our lives, I trust you enough to let go of my own plans and follow you without doubt."

God has the steps of my life ordered and planned in a way I could never have conceived, and the only question that remains is do I trust Him enough to take me there without doubt.

God please give me the ability to trust you, not just with my mind, but with my heart.